Life is Bitch!!!

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Yes, this 15-year old from St. Petersburg, Fl has been hiccupping since three weeks and doesnt seem to be stop doing that any time soon!!! It all started in her science class on Jan 23 and since then Jeniffer Mee has been hiccupping all the time when she is awake. Of course, it has become painful for her now to go on like that but she doesnt hiccup while anwering the questions of CNBC penal. Despite all our sympathy for her, one cann’t help thinking that with all this media surrounding this teenage girl, do you think she is going to stop any time soon even if she wanted to? See MSNBC video here

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked, “how heavy is this glass of water? ”

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It
depends on how long you try to hold it. “If I hold it for a minute, that’s
not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right
arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. “In each
case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it
becomes. ”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If
we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden
becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. ”

“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while
and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on
with the burden. ”

“So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re
carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. ”

“Relax; pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can’t push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

* Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today. . .. . . . . . . I did.

You know it was good, pass it on….

Life is Bitch!

Let’s Laugh!

WOMEN’S REVENGE
“Cash, cheque or charge?” I asked, after folding
items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for
her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV
remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this
was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN : A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE

I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with
communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened
to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each
other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and
whispered, “It’s Homepride, isn’t it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down
the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if
she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for
his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking
for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, ” You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I
sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of
cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo
much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so
does she.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you
can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
” The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get
our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking
around here and you should do it, because that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it
indeed says……….”HEBREWS”

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an
early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew
she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the
masterpiece.

contributed by sanjay khari by email

If this California lawmaker could have his way, the conventional lightbulb will be banned in the State by 2012. Although, the invention, in 1879 by Thomas Alva Edison, has changed our homes and workplaces for ever and revolutionised the electric lighting industry, the fact remains that the bulb invented by Edison about 127 years ago is much the same even today. The argument in support of such a ban is the considerable amount of energy being wasted by the conventional lightbulb as it converts only 5% of the energy consumed by it into light as against energy-saving compact fluorescent lightbulbs which consume only 25% of the energy as compared to conventional bulbs. If passed, the legislation would one of its kind among the efforts being made globally towards environment conservation and energy security.

Story credit: reuters

Things they say in football that aren’t dirty but sound so.

Aaaahhh….Football Fever around the corner. Just thought I’d share this with all feverish people

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

to know what’s on the countdown to 1, visit Marsha’s blog from where we “borrowed” this!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,

“Take only one. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Want to share a joke with us? send us at contact”at”lifeisbitch.com

This one is hillarious :

A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To:
My Loving Wife

Subject: I’ve reached

Date: June 5, 2006

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Yours

Loving Hubby..

Try this exciting magic of flashreader Click here! and get amazed! Well, can you figure out the secret of this mind reader? No? We will expose it for you, but you gotta wait… no more!

Here is the key :

Most of you must have already broken the myth of this mind reader. For the uninitiated ones here is the thing :

As we know, in all two digit numbers when the digits are totalled and substracted, the result will be a multiple of 9 only. So the site puts just the same symble on all mutliples of 9. When you use it once and come back to try again, it changes the symbles at all multiples of 9 putting this time some other symbol to give the illusion that the programme is guessing your symbol rightly each time though the symbols are different(well they are not because all multiples of 9 carry samy symbol at a time) but upto 81 only because the 90s are just put there to confuse you, no two digit number’s total and subtraction will result in 90s!!! Good one, isn’t it?

James Bond Style : The character James Bond has a peculiar style of introducing himself by calling first Bond, then followed by great smile & finally James Bond. His style is absolutely killing but he doesn’t know the consequences when he meets our great South Indian guy.

See what happens when Bond meets a Hyderabad guy……

James Bond: “My name’s Bond…(smiles and then says)…. James Bond.”

James Bond: And you?

Telugu Guy : I am Sai… (smiles and says)

Venkata Sai… (smiles and says)

Siva Venkata Sai. (smiles and says)

Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…. (smiles and says)

Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai. (smiles and says)

Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai….. (smiles and says)

Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…. (smiles and says)

Bommiraju Sitaramanjaneyulu Rajasekhara Srinivasulu Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai…..
(smiles and says)

and James Bond faints!